i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
