Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Randomize
