tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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