did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
