His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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