After last night, I could never be a politician.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
so much tequila, so little girl.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
