i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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