Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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