Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
