if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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