The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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