hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
