So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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