I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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