i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
