Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you didnt know i had herpes?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
