so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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