I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
