Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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