my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
