Farmville is her only friend.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
