the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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