u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
