dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
