I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
