Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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