he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
