i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
