And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
