kristin has been a bad kristin
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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