After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
