WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
