I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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