You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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