Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
