Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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