I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
