Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
