driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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