I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
