My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
