if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
