You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
