She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
