nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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