You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
