The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
