Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
