even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
