No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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